I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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