I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize