Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
