I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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