I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
