A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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