I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
