i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
