I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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