I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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