everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
