I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
