i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
