he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
