someone get that fucking seahorse.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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