i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
