What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
