i really wish james franco would like my vagina
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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