redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
