2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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