Midget sex pt 2 tonight
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
