Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So vagazzling was a success
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
