and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
