I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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