Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
