i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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