just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
