So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
