Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I think my vagina is haunted
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
