So drunk its hurt
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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