my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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