did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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