Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
