There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
