remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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