Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
