Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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