He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
