how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
