smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
