don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
