standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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