Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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