I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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