Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I need to sanitize my soul.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
