I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Randomize
