i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
