just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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