Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
