Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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