plz talk dirty to me
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
