When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
