do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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