So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize