It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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