it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
