Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
