they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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