dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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