i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
