Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize