Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
