Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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