I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
