This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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