I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize