why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
