so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
