Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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