i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i think my cat just said my name.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
