i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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