Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I have fence marks all over my body
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
