I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
