I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
