After last night, I could never be a politician.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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