eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
