Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
