On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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