i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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