so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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