is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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