Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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