Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i barfeds in our rink
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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