Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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