We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
