i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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