Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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