So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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