So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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