Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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