belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
