Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
