How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
