Sry I called you an 8
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
