Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
