THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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